I have been running for so long and I am worn so thin, paper thin and about to tear from the strain of trying to carry it all and be everything. I can't give a 100% to ten different things. I am wondering if I can even given 100% to anything.
I am a mother of 4 small children and very blessed in the way that they came into our home.
We are foster parents. We had tried for years to have a child. We had plenty of love to give. So we decided to become foster parents. We had a sibling group of three come into our home. I got accepted into nursing school. We decided to wait, and delay trying to conceive a child. And wouldn't you know it within a month or so of getting out babies from foster care, we became pregnant. So there you have it. I am pregnant and sick everyday, trying to figure out how to be a mother for children who have had horrific experiences not to mention working and in school. On Halloween we find out that our child is going to be born with special needs. But I can do this because with the Lord on my side I can do anything. And I keep trudging along, piling it higher, thicker, deeper. I keep moving one foot in front of the other with out realising the things I am sacrificing. Justifying it's okay. It's okay I just have to do what I have to do to get through. I become complacent without recognizing it. And now I am a nurse. I went from 0-4 kids in one year,(we just adopted our foster kids) we had our beautiful baby and have gone through several surgeries and have several more to go, but I did it. I thought I just needed rest. I thought I was done, I would rest and get back to living.
But I never feel quite rested enough.
Sometimes I feel lost and drifting. I have strayed from the path, seeking the praises and accolades of man for my accomplishments and given up (without even realizing, all that I hold dear). So now I am seeking to find myself. To become the mother I was meant to be.